Twenty one ways to piss off Starscream
by autobot fangirl
Summary: My third piss list. This time, the target's everyones favorite seeker/ all around back stabbing con STARSCREAM! Let the insanity begin! Rated T for Transformer swears, and suggestive adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

Twenty one was to piss off Starscream.

A/N back by popular demand. The piss lists keep on coming. Now lets get everyone's fave jet mad! XD

YinYangWriter gets credit idea two, Optimus' girl gets credit for idea one.

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns Transformers.

Idea one: The sound of annoyance.

Since S.S is still in the Medbay, (see my piss list for Megatron) have hook replace his voice synthesizer with a car horn! Poor Screamer will be completely hysterical when he cant mesmerize himself with the sound of his own voice. I'd leave him like this for a while so he can't rat you out. NOTE: this is time sensitive; unless you can put Starscream in the medbay whenever you please, do it while you have the chance.

Idea two: repaints are NEVER boring.

Gather all the clones of Starscream and repaint them to look like another one! I'd recommend painting the suck up as the coward, the coward as the egotist, the egoist as the suck up, and the liar should be left alone so Starscream isn't completely suspicious. Not to mention with every one acting differently, he won't know if this is the real liar or not. This gag works very well when Screamer wants to borrow the suck up to give himself an ego boost and instead gets his confidence shot to slag. NOTE: Slipstream is female (making her frame different) and highly intelligent; therefore she can't be inducted into the plan and will most likely be a hassle. It's best to get her as a partner in your plan or, if she says no; stasis cuff her, gag her, and throw her in a weapons locker. You may need to use random Blitzwing to subdue her. She WILL be highly pissed if you choose the later option.

Idea three: Why he's nicknamed Screamer.

Starscream is known to be an easy catch. However, (though he denies it) Starscream is passed over by many femmes due to the fact that he has a nasty habit of screaming out the name of the bot who made the biggest impression on him in the berth...MEGATRON! In fact, the seeker has a video of when he and Megs were an item. For some fun, steal the tape, and play it on the jumbo-tron in the rec room. Optics will definitely bug out when cons start hearing Starscream saying (or rather screeching) the war lords name. Note: If doing this, careful who's around, I tried this one already and Random Blitz started yelling "oh! ve next!" who the other person he was refering to, i'm still trying to figure out...

An we all know how this works by now, submit and laugh.

*Starscream at Hook* HONK HONK HOOOOONK! ! !

Hmm...looks like Hook was reading over my shoulder...oh well ;D


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty one ways to piss off Starscream.

I'm alive! Had to hide in Blitzwing's room for awhile 'cuase Slipstream wanted my helm for even thinking of throwing her in a weapons locker! Gees...that's one scary femme...

Ok, on to Screamer.

Autobotschic gets credit for idea four, Fifekun read my mind and gets a shout out for idea five.

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns Transformers.

Idea four; REEEAL mechly

Starscream will not admit this, but through an anonymous tip (Thank you mystery Transformer) it has been revealed that he finds the color pink ultra macho! So...PINK IT OUT! Get into his room, paint the entire thing pink, and then paint him pink! Even better, go into Megatrons room, and write in paint "Starscream says think pink!" on the war lords wall after your done with the seeker! Poor Starscream will be humiliated! Note: For the shade, I'd go with a pepto bismal color.

Idea five: Extreme makeover, metallic moron edition.

When Screamer crashed after loosing the Allspark to Optimus Prime, Professor Princess found him and made him "pretty." Starscream eventually got away, but not before Professor Princess took a picture of Screamer with his makeup on! Find the Professor, and bribe her to give you that photo! She can be bought off for a bag of twizlers and a pretty please. Once you have the photo, you can do one of two things. Option one: Blackmail Starscream into being your personal slave, and make him do anything you say (fangirls, control yourselves.) Or, option two: Send that photo to every transformer base and to every pub in the universe that sells oil or energon! I'd personally make it into a wanted poster that says "Wanted. For being an idiot and crimes against Transformer fashion. Would prefer humiliated than dead! If spotted, laugh aft off!" Starscream would never ever live it down! Note: If you go with option two, RUN as Screamer will try to kill you with his guns! If he does get a hold of you, you don't have a more embarrassing photo to bail you out (yet.)

Ideas six: Old gags die hard.

When Starscream takes off his null rays for maintenance, revamp them so when he goes to fire, instead of lasers, all that comes out is a little flag that says "BANG!" on it. This is a good one to pull if you know Starscream is planning on trying to kill Megatron later that day. Not to mention Megatron will find it humorous and probably will just maim Screamer rather than offlining him.

Ok, chilling under the rec- room couch. You wouldn't believe the oil chugging contest last night...even more surprising is that Barricade won!


	3. Chapter 3

21 ways to piss of Starscream

Sorry for the wait! I was on vacation for real.

Disclaimer: Hasbro owns Transformers

Fifekun gets credit for idea eight, Autobotschic gets credit for idea nine, YingYangWriter gets credit for idea seven.

Idea seven: The pranker who yelled Starscream.

Get a recording of Megatron screaming for Starscream when he's exceedingly angry. Next, shadow Screamer with the recording on hand. When you catch him doing something that is immoral or sneaky, play the recording at full blast to scare the jet into behaving. After a while, he'll realize somethings not right and ignore it. When he does, stop and wait for Megatron to call him for real! Starscream will ignore him thinking it's a prank until Megatron walks in and drags him out by his wing struts! The poor jet will probably get a slagging and time in the brig! Run away afterwards; Starscream doesn't like doing time! To really make him mad though, call him" jail bird" as your running.

Idea eight: Involuntary turncoat

When Starscream goes into recharge, temporarily program him into an Autobot! Copy an Autobot's personality, and download it to the seeker with a 24 hour override so he's stuck like this for the whole day! Tell him when he wakes up to go do super heroic deeds like saving cats who get stuck up trees, and spreading world peace and happiness through the power of hugs! Follow him around and take pictures you can use as blackmail later! Note: Copy the personality from a real goody two pedes Autobot like Optimus or for that matter, any bot who'd do this stuff!

Idea nine: Hillbilly seeker.

Ok, through my secret contacts, It has been brought to my attention that while Starscream likes his blasters, his favorite melee weapon is...*drumroll* ...A giant Pink Frying pan! ! ! ! Nothing yells mental like hitting your enemies with a pink piece of cast iron. So to humiliate him, get the frying pan out of his room (it's in a secrect hollow in his wall behind his dartboard with the picture of Megatron on it) and display it hanging from the ceiling of the rec-room with a note saying "Screamer luvs him a good melee weapon." Then watch as everyone falls over in hysterical laughter and Screamer locks himself in his room.

A/N well...i think Starscreams got issues, but thats what makes it fun! !


	4. Chapter 4

21 ways to piss off Starscream.

A/N Let me first apologize to all the readers who subscribed to this fic. I have not been faithful, and this is unfair to you. Allow me to remedy this...

Zerqyx gets credit for idea ten. I don't remember who gave me this idea, but PM me and I'll fix that for idea eleven. Others who suggested, PLEASE refresh my memory and I'll write it in.

Idea ten: Simon says...SHUT UP!

Ok, when Starscream goes to open his yap, throw something at him! Anything will do! A chair, a lamp, heck...his frying pan! Get the others involved so anytime Screamer even LOOKS like he's going to say something he'll get beat up. This works well if hot head Blitzwing is in, or a very unhappy Cyclonus. Then, video tape it and play it for the recruits in combat training. This is how NOT to be a Decepticon! The jet, if he's smarter than I think, will eventually understand he NEEDS to shut his trap and then, start instigating by calling him a moldy tortilla chip. Trust me, he won't take that on the chin. NOTE: Once Starscream gets his wings all taped up, RUN AWAY!

Idea eleven: Take a scorching shower.

When Screamer goes to the wash room, replace the cleaning solution with corrosive acid! Screamer will, well...SCREAM! Run very very very far away after this, for when the seeker gets his plating (and some soothing rash ointment) on, he WILL hunt you down.

Idea twelve: Just a spoon full of super glue shuts a jet up, in the most delightful way!

Ok, go out to the store and buy the strongest, largest bottle of super glue you can find. Next, when Starscream puts down his oil can, pour ALL the glue onto the rim he's sipping from! Wait for a few seconds, and then, tell him to say something. He'll find that he can't! Poor Poor Starscream will be clawing at his face desperately trying to open his mouth! Don't try to help him undo the prank, just wait till he hurts himself and Hook was to torch cut his mouth open. Afterwards, his lips will be burned so, yell "HEY HOT LIPS!" To him and run, run, RUN!

A/N Hopefully, these will come sooner than later. I will NOT abandon this fic though.


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